She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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