I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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