I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
