Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
