My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
