there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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