she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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