When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
