my shit smells like andre
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
