I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
