I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Randomize
