That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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