she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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