hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Tell her she can't have a vagina
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
