Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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