I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
