My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
