I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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