This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
