Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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