He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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