Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Randomize
