I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
i think my cat just said my name.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
