I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
