I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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