he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
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