how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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