i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
