Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
