the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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