glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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