is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
