I understand Curling. That high.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
