Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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