Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Randomize
