So gin and wine won't be happening again
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
where are you?
Hypothermia
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
