Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
