I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
