I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
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