this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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