Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Randomize
