he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Houston, we have a squirter
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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