Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Randomize
