Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
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