I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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