What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
