You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
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