I hate all girls vehemently.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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