What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
