just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
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