U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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