i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
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