the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
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