it hurts more in the daytime
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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