Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
