So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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