I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
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