Moan for me like Helen Keller
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
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