Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
