once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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