$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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