Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
