I think I died a long time ago.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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