i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
