Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
