Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
